I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
