yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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