she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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