You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
