I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
