i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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