No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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