I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
