Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
