I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
