before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
