Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
