Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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