Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
