i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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