I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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