Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
