Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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