I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
