he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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