i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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