You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
