i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
