When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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