i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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