I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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