I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
