That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
