You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
