Her vagina should come with caution tape.
home. puking in laundry basket.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
