Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I need moral support for this bender
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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