I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm experimenting with sincerity
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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