there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
