if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
farters have to be the big spoon...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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