he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize