This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
only if we run a train.
done.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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