you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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