Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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