I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
