see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
