we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
