it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
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My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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