I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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