So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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