Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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