Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
