I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
