Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize