I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
