Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
