The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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