Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
