I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
