listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i think im in europe. pls send help
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
