I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I want her autograph on my taint
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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