i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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