I think i peed on brittanys purse
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
