i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
