yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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