I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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