im drinking this country out of the recession.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
