She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
