Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
