Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
