I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
