he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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